Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining
by Tuliharja
Summary: "When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind? R&R!
1. Prologue

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything, expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>Words that mean love. I don't want think about them. They make me <em>sick<em>. Sick. I hate it. I hate it! I don't want these feelings and I don't need them. Why, why I do feel like this? Why I must stare at her? Why does my heart start beating faster when she laughs? Why do my cheeks warm up when she looks at me with those kind eyes? I hate it! I just hate it! God, if there is one, just hit me with your lightning. Hit it through my heart and make these feelings disappear. I hate them. But I kind of like this feeling. I'm so weak. I hate myself.

xXx

"P-a-i-!" Taruto whispered my name gently in my ear. I was fast asleep when he turned his voice on full volume, yelling: "GET UP!"

"For heaven's sake! It's six on the morning!" I shout him pulling him by his waistcoat. I could easily see surprise and panic in his childish face. I had pulled his face next to me. What on Earth…? I pushed him fast away, breathing fast. What was going on? Why I was…Why…I…I mean…Why…?

"What in the mother ship? Why you are yelling? It's six on the morning!" Kish asked when he had sneaked my room, looking at us weirdly, "And what's that face? Pai, did you just scream? I'm still asleep? Oh, I can't be! I still have my underwear…"

"Get out of here! Both of you!" I roared at them and pushed them out the door, slamming it behind them. This day would turn out to be one of those most painful days ever! And it was already six on the morning…I hate mornings. And I hate myself. And I hate everybody! I hate Kish. I actually want murder him, but who cares? Why do I always have to be calm, ready, cool…etc.

I walked to my mirror and looked at myself. I already knew that face in the mirror would look terrible; that's what you get when you stay up late the previous night…So, I did only sleep for five hours…Great.

I just wanted hit my head on the table, but remembering those two idiots I realize I had done something really out of character, so I dressed quickly, brushed my teeth and after that appeared in the so-called living room. Time to explain! Yay! Who I'm fooling? I just wanted to go back to my bed and die. Yes, I'm depressed person, so what? Get dictionary if you don't know what it means. Anyway, I try to play icy and all, because then people usually leave me alone. But that's the whole point! Those two…Those two _won't_ leave me alone. Not even a single minute! So, I try ignoring them. But it's hopeless. That's why I hate Master Deep Blue, since he put me together with those two idiots, but I also admire him because he is _so_ smart. But I'm the real genius in here. No one can beat me~!

"Someone is cranky!" Kish sang that annoying tone in his voice. It is so annoying I just want to smack his head on the table. And yes, I'm cranky, thanks for pointing that out!

"Don't be like that! He probably had bad dream, right? And seeing your face at first thing in the morning…" Taruto began, but Kish cut him off. "You were the one who woke him up! Not me!"

And again, they started their little argument. How lovely. I need a cup of coffee.


	2. This is me

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything, expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>Okay, things go like this; I'm this ship's genius, Kish is our little narcissus whose whole life circles around him, at least until Ichigo got herself into that little world and then there is Taruto. Yes, sweet kid, large eyes, adorable person, huh? And shit. He is like a little devil. Only bright side in this situation is that he worships me as a false god. Yeah that's what you get when you rescue little kids from ''evil big boys''. God, what I did do in my last life? Did I kill my mother? And sell my sister?<p>

We are losing the subject. Kish. Taruto. Mew mews. I hate them. My life is filled with revulsion and I hate the people in my life. But I adore Master Deep Blue and there isn't anything weird about it! It's actually weird…When I think about it…I should be some intelligent person who realizes such things like worshiping someone is stupid. But when you make a pinkie promise with the devil…You know how that goes. Sigh. I hate my life.

Just then Taruto pops out and starts tell me how malevolent Kish was with him and how we should shoot him to the moon or something like that. I only listened to him half-heartedly. We go through this same thing every week; sometimes only three times a day, if I'm lucky. I sighed and rose from my chair. Work. I should finish my plans that I started yesterday. Plans on how to kill the Mew Mews, get the Mew Aqua, and so on. So, I pulled my chair over and opened my computer. I watched it load with empty eyes, while Taruto continued his talking.

Life sucks. There isn't any meaning of it, so why we do live? Because someone decided it like that, a long time ago? I sighed. I was bored. My talents are wasted on this pitiful planet. I was _uninterested_.

I leaned back in my chair and clicked part one of the files open. I looked at the numbers and hard words - that weren't so hard for me - and started manipulating them. But my thoughts weren't with those numbers and words. I was bored. The life that I lived was meaningless. It did go through mostly the same routine; make an evil plan, attack the Mew Mews while searching for Mew Aqua, get beat up, get shouted at by Master Deep Blue, make more plans, listen to Kish and Taruto argue, more plans, little sleep, breakfast, again with their argument, more plans, attack the Mew mews, search for the Mew Aqua, get shouted at by Master Deep Blue, more plans…

Something suddenly clicked in my mind, and I snapped the computer shut and stood up. Most people say that happens when you break your routine. You just…Well, you just broke it!

I walked into the so-called living room. Taruto appeared next to me looking me worried. I saw Kish. Surprise, surprise! I could see four scratches on his cheek, a new record for getting refused by Ichigo Momomiya.

I stopped in the middle of room. What I was doing? I should do now plans…Why…Why…?

"What you are doing Pai?" Kish asked me curiously. Yes, what I was doing?


	3. Life sucks

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything, expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>I smirk. This was stupid. Just <em>stupid<em>. Something what Kish would do when he was depressed enough. But after all, he was narcissistic person, who loves himself too much. So, no. He wouldn't do this.

But I would. When that idea first occurred to me, for the first time in my life I scared. I could always trust numbers and words. Feelings were unfamiliar for me. So, this strong feeling, that I had now, scared me. Yes, it was self-hatred and hating. But like I told you, I'm a depressed person. I play others and their feelings. I get satisfaction from it. I can manipulate people and their feelings. They are like puppets. But then the Mew Mews came and then _her_. Yes, every cute "I'm depressed" story has a cute girl. I hate it when things don't go like I want them too. And I hated even more when I came to meet another player of my game. Because when you become a player, you have to accept that you'll get hurt. You get feelings. You can't just sit back and watch how people talk and act. No, you have to join them. That why I hate myself. I'm a coward. And cowards choose easy way; always easiest way.

So, I choose suicide.

Yes, I'm a depressed person. But like I would care what you think. Life sucks. And I just hate it. It's as simple as that.


	4. Blank mind

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything, expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>I did whistle a little bit when I made sure Kish's sai was sharp enough. It's pretty hard to kill yourself with fan, so I decided a sai would much easier. I looked the sai I had taken. Kish would get angry if he discovered it missing.<p>

I bit my lip and looked at the silent landscape. I had left them on ship. Alone. Like they would care! But…I don't want die. That's the little problem with my plan that I actually made in rush; I just teleported out of there and flew to this stupid lake and decided to do it.

Sigh. I'm coward. So, I just stared at Kish's sharp sai while in that freezing air and thought about how easy it would be. But also painful. So, when I finally raised that sai I had made my decision.

"Pai! What are you are doing?" A female voice shouted at me.

Ironic, isn't it? This is like some stupid melodramatic anime series where heroine comes and rescues her love when he tries to hurt himself. Haha, I could laugh. But I dislike laughing. I stopped laughing around four. Don't ask why. Because living underground, taking the jobs of an adult at that young age…Yes, isn't that real a crying moment? But I overcame that. Still, living in depression is…fun. Then you can blame anyone and everything. Life is wonderful, but actually, it isn't.

"Pai?" That female voice kept repeating my name. Yes, I know my name, so you don't have to keep saying it over and over again.

Suddenly she touched my hands. I hate it. I hate when someone touches me. It makes me sick, for heaven's sake! Gosh, what she might have touched…and what illnesses she might carry. _Humans_. So disgusting and all; that's why I hate it when she touches me and pulls my hand. I slapped her hand away and finally looked at her. Uh-oh. I shouldn't have done that. I just shouldn't…

"We…We have to…We have to cover that with something!" she breathed, shocked.

I just stare at her without speaking, puzzled.

Great. My mind is blank. I hate her. I just hate her. But sometimes I want grab her around the waist and pull her close to me. Why I didn't pull the other way when I was cutting my wrists? Why did I pull it left to right? That only makes it hurt more. But with long waiting you might bleed empty, but that's unlikely, so cut it other way and you'll get better change to die. Even so it'll still take some time.

I just stare as she runs in a little circle, panicking, worrying about what she should do. I probably should tell her this hurt like hell, but it doesn't kill me and I ask her to go away. But like I told you my mind is blank. That's ironic. I should be that smart guy. Kish would probably laugh if he knew this or he would saw this. Oh wait! I forgot he is so in love with himself he wouldn't notice anything, unless it hit him. Hard.


	5. A bleeding alien

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything, expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>"Should I call a doctor? Eh…I'll call the others!" she says in panic and starts searching for her cell phone. Did she just suggest she should call the <em>others<em>? I grab her hand with her phone in it and said coldly, "No need. I'm okay."

She just stared me those large blue eyes. Would you believe a bleeding alien if he told you everything is just okay?

I didn't think so.

"Fine. Then you come with me. And no arguing!" She said as she put her phone away and dug through her pockets again. I probably should teleport somewhere…But…I'm just too lazy do it now. And I kind of feel dizzy…I look at Kish's sai which is covered in blood. My blood. Way to go Pai! Smartest person on this planet and this stupid galaxy, choose to hurt himself, just because he got tired of life.

"Here," she says and put a bandana around my wrists.

Just one question…Why on Earth she was carrying that?


	6. Smooth? No

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything; expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>We are in a little house. I don't like it. I hate those little Chinese cats, I hate that stupid wallpaper, I hate that ugly furniture and I hate-…Wait, that bookshelf is actually okay. But that's beside the point.<p>

We are now at her home. Yes, I'm at the house of Midorikawa Lettuce, a.k.a. Mew Lettuce a.k.a. Finless Porpoise a.k.a. Fish girl, and I could continue that list forever but I'm just too tired. I'm tired of everything. I don't even remember why I accepted her invitation to come to her house! She must have dragged me. Kidnapping. I'll stick that story if Kish, Taruto or Deep Blue ever finds out I have been in her home. Smooth? No, but I'm too tired to think of anything better.

"I found the first-aid kit," she said to me as she pulled me into the living room. Luckily her parents aren't here. Otherwise she would get yelled at, or her parents would freak out. Why am I actually caring what her parents would think of me? We are not like them.

…This sucks.

"Stay still," she says and starts to clean my deep wounds. I give her a serious look. She actually looks kind of cute, despite being a human! But when this depressed mood goes away a little, I swear I'll kill her. I mean, she is an enemy.

"So," she says and I look my firsts where the bandanas are tied. She tied them into bows. Can't that girl do anything right?

I got her first-aid kit and opened those bandanas and tied them again. This time they were correct and without stupid bows. When I finally looked at her I noticed she was blushing. Gosh, it's that big a thing if I do her work?

"Sorry…" she said and bowed to me. I just stare her. Japanese people…and the weird ways they act.

"I'll go," I say and start to leave when she grabbed my hand.

"No. I won't allow you to leave; until I know you won't…You won't…" she tries to say suicide, can't say it.

"Commit suicide?" I ask her in a bored tone and I looked at her coldly.

I watched as she looked down at the ground and nodded. I'm like the smartest one out of two of us! I don't need babysitting. I did know pretty well what I was doing, so it's not her freaking business to interrupt me killing myself-…I must have been staring blankly for a minute, because the next thing I know is that she is too close to me, touching my shoulder. And what made this situation even more uncomfortable is that her body is almost against mine. And of course I have to blush that moment and it had to happen. She quickly pulled away, knowing now what kind of situation that was. I hate myself. And I hate God or who ever made everything.

"So…Sorry!" she shouts and quickly ran into other room. Way to go Pai. You just showed you are like Kish. Stupid. Pervert. Even if it was normal.

I hate myself.


	7. There isn't such thing as 'fairytale'

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything; expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this._

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><p>I was looking at some photographs that she has about her family and feeling bored when she finally appeared again. This raises a little question. Why on Earth haven't I teleported away yet? Or just walked away. Or just left here. Why, why did I just stay here? She probably hates me. Now I have one more reason to kill myself and hate myself even more.<p>

"Are you hungry?" she finally asked. What a question! She just brushed away that little thing, like it hadn't been anything! I can't understand how she can stand men.

"No," I just answer. It's a lie. I haven't eaten since breakfast. Which was a long time ago…Or it feels like it.

"He is my little brother," She said suddenly.

I looked at the picture in my hand. I didn't even look at it until she pointed it out. But now I'm looking at it. It's a little boy, who looks very much like her. He is probably as dumb as her, yet she is much sweeter and…Shit, I'm again sailing for that stupid thing. I already looked like an idiot once, I don't need to do it again.

"Do you have family?" She asked in a small voice.

Let see…What should I answer? 'Oh yes, I have a family but they died. And by the way, it's all you humans fault'. Yeah, really happy-happy answer. Like hell I would tell her I had a family, which was actually nice. That I actually had parents who cared for me a lot and stuff like that. But then everything went horrible wrong, I got adopted and my life was miserable. I just hate life and people in it. Especially those all families who always tries act all happy when there is some outsider with them, but you know what? That's not true. In reality everybody's family life sucks. Even in some photograph with a nice, smiling family that's just false. Like life itself. And I just hate it. Numbers don't lie. I can always trust those, but people…I just hate them.

"No," I just answer her, putting her brothers picture away. I'm tired and I don't want to hear any shit about family traditions or sort of stuff. Call me miserable or something, but it's just purely disgusting. The most disgusting family tradition is Christmas. Even as kid I hated it.

"I'm sorry," she said, breaking into my thoughts again. I turn to her. She smiles that apologizing smile like someone important to me had died. It's true. Sort of.

"Don't be," I answer back. Why she should be? Why anyone would be? Being sorry is just giving someone pity. How in name of this stupid planet you can be sorry, if you aren't me? Even you would say 'I've lost my blah-blah-blah' it still would be meaningless. And guess what? I hate it. I hate when others pity me.

"But-…It must be lonely without a family," she says to me. I just stare at her.

Like hello! It isn't! Haven't you heard orphanages and such things? I notice how she looks at me with that apologizing face of hers, which is just so angelic and-…Here I go again. Does she want to take a trip with me into the bedroom? There aren't such things like 'prince charming with his white horse.' And how unintelligent is that? Who would want a prince who probably has lot of self-loving problems like Kish? Or that horse. Where you could even put it?

I turn my back with her. Humans are just so stupid and she is one of those who are probably the dumbest of all.

"Pai-san…" she said softly.

"What?" I snap.

Okay, enough of this Mr. depressive-sort-of-useless-nice-guy-thingy. That wasn't even a word, much less a clause.

I turn to her, just in time to see tears welling up in her eyes. Shit. I'm not the type who can handle tears. I actually hate those and especially girls who cry for meaningless things. I just stare her coldly when she starts her sobbing explanation.

"You must be really lonely…And…And…You probably haven't felt actual love…" she sobs to me. No shit, Sherlock! I haven't. Not for so long time. Having a computer fetish isn't love, say whatever you want but it isn't. Not that I would care. I don't have love and I haven't felt love…who needs it? I don't. But gosh! Can't that girl stop that sobbing?


	8. Our little secret

Author: _Tuliharja_

Title: _Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining_

Summary: _"When you have had enough of your life, you're usually selfish. Like I would care what you say –I'm a depressed person so get over it." What's really going on in Pai's mind?_

Disclaimer: _Characters belongs Mia Ikumi and Reiko Yoshida. I don't own anything; expect the idea of this fic._

A/N: _Thanks for The All Real Numbers Symbol betaing this. This is the last bit of this fic._

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><p>"Stop crying," I snap. And of course, she starts to cry harder. I'm in some kind of romance story or what? This is seriously bugging me…<p>

"It's okay," I answer, but no! She won't stop crying. What's matter with women? Why they can't stop crying when they're told to stop? It's that hard? Men doesn't cry so why do women? Grow a backbone, I say. But man! She looks so adorable when she cries, her blue innocent eyes being so big. Great. What next? Am I going to start some ultra-mumbo-jumbo-sweet-talk that isn't actual talking? I just hate romantic stuff and love. I watch how she tries stop crying, but it doesn't help. I'm so doomed.

"Stop crying, it's okay," I say, touching her cheek. I'm so doomed. Second by second I hate myself even more, but my mind is black. What next? A love confession? If there is a God, why you hate me so much? Even I don't believe such things. It's just something people made up to feel better.

"It isn't. Pai-san…I'm so sorry," she says. Okay, why did she just apologize to me? I don't understand women. They're even weirder than Kish's weird habits.

"About what?" I ask, pulling her to the couch. Which is, by the way, really ugly.

"I must have upset you by asking about your family…and talking about lo-love," she utters the last word. Like I would care those things. I don't. I seriously…Can't she stop crying?

"Hey, hey! Stop crying! It's okay. My family died long time ago…" I say.

"But still," she says, now wrinkling her forehead, and that doesn't suit her. Women shouldn't wrinkle themselves.

"It happened a long time ago and who cares about such things as love? You can't measure it or do anything with it," I said bluntly. But I think I said too much when she started staring at me with a look of shock. At least she has stopped crying.

"But…It's most important thing ever!" she says, nodding her head a little bit. I stare at her oddly. You can't use it as a weapon or anything…Where would you need it? That why I hate things like that, you can't count those together and get one, nice answer. No, there are probably a million and one answers. Like heck.

"Um," she says, turning now red from her face. It's kind of cute, yet it disturbs me. I should think rationally and all, but now…now…I'm feeling kind of really…I don't actually know, but I know it's not that usual depression of mine. I just stare her and suddenly ask, totally out of my character, "Do you love me?"

Yup, totally dumb question, especially from your enemy. She just blushes even deeper. I should know the answer! Ah, I just hate myself and the next thing what I'll do…But being depressed means you've got to one day creep out of that depressive state, so you can go back in later. Hell, what others don't know won't hurt them, right?

I lean against the porpoise girl and kiss her.

I just hate this world and people around me, but I just might like Lettuce Midorikawa. Just might.


End file.
